By awhitecloud®

April 1, 2003

The following are inserts from a book that I have written called “the subbie Journal”. But I have come to understand a lot of things in this last year that draw me somewhat of a different picture then I once believed. I still hold true to my old beliefs on how it should be, but at times life does not work that way. I guess that is what learning is all about.

Hurt

When you hurt, Master/Mistress hurts with you. Master/Mistress is there to help you wipe away the tears of loneliness or frustration and even anguish.

Sometimes all the storms of life come to teach us that Master/Mistress is in control, and we must lean on them and to be thankful for all the richness and blessings they can give us.

We will serve Master/Mistress even if there is a darkness enveloping our life and even if we don’t understand what is happening. We will serve Master/Mistress even when the circumstances of life don’t make sense. Because Master/Mistress is worthy of praise, because they are our Master/Mistress pay the proper respect and give them what is due to them.

Master/Mistress, nothing is louder than your silence. Please forgive us Master/Mistress for the times we’ve interpreted your silence as a lack of love. Give us patience, as we await your answers. Teach us to await your answers and not to break your silence.

Trust

Master/Mistress loves those who need him/her the most, who rely on him/her and trust him/her in everything.

All that matters is that you trust!

Set your sights on things that don’t change the trust in your Master/Mistress, not on money, talents or even health. Build your relationship, work on it. Mold it together as you go. Never just move on, try to make things work. Trust is the foundation for your relationship, so honor yourself and each other in all things.

I think that hurt and trust go hand in hand in more ways than one. At times we may not see this but I have come to understand that they are joined most of the time. I think that trusting someone can lead to a lot of hurt, so if you hurt so do they. It is a never ending battle and how does it all stop?

But what if you keep getting hurt over and over, you trust in them but it never helps? When do you say okay I have to try to stop being hurt all the time or can you? There is a time when you have to respect yourself enough to do what is best for you. Hurting deep inside I do not think can help anyone in time it can make a mess of a number of things in ones life. I want to be happy and to feel that I belong to someone and that it really matters, not that all I do will just bring on more hurt. Be it my fault or not to always be hurting is not what I want to live. I do not think when it gets to that point that a Master/Mistress should wish it at all either, and it might be time to look at different options for everyone.

With trust is the foundation for your relationship, so honor yourself and each other in all things. You need to honor yourself and stop the hurt to find a way to make it work or to just leave. Move on to something else, and I know this is hard to do and at times the hurt does not stop. And all I can say is that you have to keep looking for ways to make it work.

Master/Mistress, nothing is louder than your silence. Please forgive us Master/Mistress for the times we’ve interpreted your silence as a lack of love. Give us patience, as we await your answers. Teach us to await your answers and not to break your silence. And this is the hardest part of it all, for we all want quick answer and fixes and at time there are none, and that does not mean you do not hurt greatly during these times, but sometimes there is just no fast answer to anything, you have to hold on and stay on for the ride, no matter how bumpy it may be.

You can pull back and protect yourself, but all in all you have to wade through it to make it to the other side together. But to bail I think is the answer we tend to use and do all too often, and in the long run we run into a longer line of things to deal with. But I know first hand how hard the waiting can be the pain it can bring. I have run and wanted it all to end to let me out and away from it all. But it did not stop the hurt or the pain at all.

But I think that we are given thing to help us grow and learn, you may not be but the person you are with is and that is what matters. This may be the hardest thing in your life to deal with but are we looking for an easy way or life? I have known not much in life to be an easy road for anyone. I have never seen that taking the easiest of ways out is the best answer most of the time. At some point you have to stand true to yourself and keep the hurt and the trust and hope for things to work out. But never endanger yourself, at times you need to do what is the best thing for you and get out

Please feel free to contact me at awhitecloud@hotmail.com i will do what i can to help anyone, and i would like to know what you A/all think also. Thank you for allowing me to share with you A/all.

Unpublished work © 2003 awhitecloud ® Published © 2003 awhitecloud ®

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